"Right before I finally went to treatment i remember sitting there, crying in a closet in my parent's house and wondering how I'd had so much going for me and so many chances and yet was still about to go to rehab. It truly felt my life was coming to an end. I went to a place for 90 days though and didn't know what else to do at that point. I was pretty clueless to all things recovery at first. The steps, the program and how it would even be possible to live a life without using. I just couldn't fathom the idea of doing this for the rest of my life. But they sat me down and called me on my stuff, helped me understand what was really happening in my life and they showed me that I could actually live sober. 5 or 6 months went down the road and I had really begun to enjoy the way I was living. The spiritual awakening they had told me about had happened for me and I started being able to help other guys get it too. It was strange because I had really lived this double life for so long of hanging out with some pretty rough people and then going home to the comfort of the suburbs. I carried around this aura about myself like I was this hardcore guy. In reality though, I'm not that at all. I'm pretty much a big sweet heart. I discovered that and learned that for me it was just about being kind to others. Being vulnerable. After going through all this, that's what God really wants me to show up as."
"The work I do here is simply doing what was done for me. Telling people how they show up in life. In their families. We need someone to tell us these things because we've been unable to see it for so long. That's what good treatment is. And learning from there how to take that honesty and continue it in your own life, being vulnerable and honest with other men. The real addict and alcoholic needs to get in depth and to look at those things that they don't really want to look at. What works for us, and what has really worked for me, is being forced to see that truth. And going through that internal pain. That's what makes us grow. When I was a few months sober this guy told me he wished me all the pain in the world. I didn't get it at first but he ended up explaining that it was that kind of pain that forces people to want to change. That's been true for me and I try to help the guys I'm working with see that there is something good that can come out of all they've been going through."
"There's a common theme with most new guys and entitlement. Addicts and alcoholics don't handle not getting their way very well, especially when they're first getting sober. You'll see a guy get a few cartons of cigarettes in the mail but complain because they didn't send a lighter too. Not even seeing they have people out there that they've put through hell that are still in there corner trying to do things for them. That tends to be a common thing. And of course I still struggle with that selfishness in other ways. I start to think I need a new car or a raise or get focused on what I don't have. I start thinking about what I deserve now that I have some time sober and have been doing well. What it comes down to in those moments is that I've gotten away from my Step One truth and I am forgetting where I was a few years ago, sleeping in the back of my car at a truck stop. I return to that place where I want what I want when I want it, you know? The beauty of this deal though is that it allows me to catch myself and move out of that selfishness and get back to really wanting to find out what God's will is for me and to live it."